Wednesday, April 27, 2011

The Bitch is Back

It's been such a long time since I've written anything ! I'm suddenly in the mood to express myself on the world wide web. Not that anyone would actually read this, but the thought of putting myself "out there" is sort of comforting. So I'm 22 now. I'm not liking it so much so far. I've been in a state of numbness. I don't know if numb is the right word, but it's the closest descriptive word I could find that matches the way I feel. I haven't felt this way since I was a teenager.
I hate the girl in the mirror again. Yeah, that bitch is back- the less-confident one, the self-loathing one, the annoying one. I don't understand why she just doesn't leave me alone. It's like anytime I find that my confidence level is increasing, she pops out of nowhere to take it all away. God, I HATE her.
Today she made me feel stupid, ugly, fat and disgusting. How she manages to accomplish ALL that I'll never understand. She made the MIRROR work against me. She makes my mind doubt me, such power. And why I let her have that power is beyond me. She's THAT good that she's got me convinced that no one of the opposite gender should show any form of affection towards me because (and I'm quoting her) "You're not worth it. Who'd want a whale in jeans? Even if you were a whale, you'd be a failed one. You can't even swim properly"
I'm at my breaking point AGAIN. I NEED to get over this bitch's constant nagging because she's just not good for me. I've been fighting her for years, and it's clear I've been losing the battles. I just can't afford to lose the damn WAR. I've got too much at stake.

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