Contrary to popular belief (oooo...) I have always had serious self-esteem problems...It's been there since I was very young actually...Let me bore you a little, alright?
Ever since I was very young (meaning, around 9 or 10 years old) I have been severely overweight. Like severely... and I have been ridiculed about it ALL THE TIME.
For instance, my primary 4 teacher calculated my weight on the blackboard in front of the whole class... when I walked into the lecture hall for a motivational speech in primary 6 I heard the whole first row go "whoa.."
I weighed approximately 91 kilogrammes when I was 13. 91!
However, I've always maintained a confident face, and a sense of humour (about everything else BUT my weight). That really got me through a lot! It helped me make a lot of friends, and a few enemies along the way... (maybe they thought I was too confident for my own good, I don't know)
After the miracle of exercise though, I can safely say that I am no longer obese or overweight, I am actually in the normal* range. I'm not skinny, but well, I came a long way I suppose. But the self-esteem issue never went away, I still assumed people thought the worst of me (inside, of course...) I'm extremely intimidated by people whom I find attractive, or well, thin. In my mind thin = beautiful.
I still do get comments every once in awhile that I'm not thin enough (to put it delicately) and it still breaks my heart, the same way it did when I was a chunky and extremely unattractive 10 year old.
But 2009 is going to be different. And it already has begun to change... Firstly, I actually, went for a full body scrub, which meant I EXPOSED MY WHOLE BODY TO A COMPLETE STRANGER!!! (please call me at 01*-602**** for further details on the matter)
I suddenly felt comfortable in a swimsuit, I didn't feel all that self-conscious. I just enjoyed a wonderful swim (my favourite activity..)
I went swimming with my guy friends today, and I wasn't at all uncomfortable.
I guess its sometimes all in your mind...SOMETIMES.
I pray 2009 continues to be this good. I love it already... and if You hear me, THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME SUCH WONDERFUL FRIENDS. I COULD NOT ASK FOR MORE!
Oh, and happy new year to the people I love, and the people who love me, as well as those who don't...whatever lah kan...forget the shit, embrace 2009. I'm lovin it, so should you! =)
