BROKEN

The Prefect's Camp is coming up soon. Well, on Monday to be exact. I'm not all that hyped up to be honest with you. Firstly, I have a test the following Monday and I'm far from prepared. Secondly is my spirit is so broken for some reason.
I have no idea why, but I know it is. I have no enthusiasm for anything these days. My smiles are forced, and my "insanity" is a wonderfully played role. I'm not myself. I don't know what's wrong with me. And my only 'medication' to soothe the hurt happens to be the Socialmoth Application on Facebook. Like how freaking lame is that!
The thing is, I'm so lathargically dysfunctional that anything that helps will do.
I'm so broken. I don't even have a reason to be. Everyday a bit of me chips off and the pieces disappear into oblivion. How do I put the pieces back if I can't even find the pieces to begin with?
Love is so painful right now, life is so painful right now. I'm back to not letting anyone else in. I just don't want to darken their days with my stupid problems which aren't even problems.
This past Monday was possibly the lowest I've felt in a very long time. I made a choice to be okay after that but letting that choice prevail is so tough. My heart is telling me one thing while my head is a roller-coaster of decisions. I want to be okay. I'm happy in the midst of all this...I just want to be really happy, and smile; genuinely.